Facing my demons

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I woke up one day and there was this serenity that had taken over me..for no apparent reason. I was smiling, I was happy for no reason, and it stuck on me for a while. At first I didn’t know what it was, but after a few weeks I realized what this new essence running in my veins was: Peace.

For the first time since I can remember, I feel peaceful. Inside out, there are no wars left for me to fight, no battles to win, no grief to endure, no mistakes to dwell on anymore..

For the first time since I can remember, I feel strong. Like a tree that battled against the wind for decades, finally surrendering its branches so gracefully to the flow of air surrounding it, embracing it, pumping life into it. The tree and the wind become one entity, they don’t fight anymore, they don’t try to break each other. They’re there. Together.

For the first time since I can remember, I forgive myself. Like a river carrying all the sorrows and pains of my past, drowning my fears, regrets and casting them into the open sea.

For the first time since I can remember, I feel free. Like an eagle soaring in the highest skies, observing, looking down at my past life and moving forward to a new destination.

I faced my demons with my teeth, biting into their poisonous flesh. I faced them with my claws, ripping their egos apart, I faced them with my eyes, looking into their cursed souls..and I cried for them, I held them strong, I spoke to them and asked them to set me free because I am ready to be set free into the world..make amends, make it right, with whoever I’ve wronged, myself..my soul.. my heart..my body..my head.. my all.

They put up quite a fight, lurking in the darkness, waiting for me.. Sneaking up on me..finding their way into my dreams, sometimes into my days.. But I fought back, I was resilient. I cried some more, I bled some more, I stood my ground and told them to leave..screaming my lungs out with pain, with joy, with laughter. I was stuck in dimensions and I wanted to burst out with life. I was there, staring at them, I told them: it’s ok, you don’t have to be with me anymore, just leave. And they did.

Then one day I woke up, with a smile that was radiating with love, with peace, with forgiveness. I was love, I am love, I love. I am surrounded by love, and then I realized that if it wasn’t for all that pain, that destruction, that humiliation, the never ending sadness and heartache, I wouldn’t have been filled with so much self-love, with love to everything around me.

Love.

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